Leaves, Thought Swirls and Notecard Plannings

Since coming back my schedule has been all out of sorts, and finding time to catch up with letters (not to mentions send out the oodles of postcards I picked up) as well as keep going with all the ideas and projects I have knocking around the brain pan… it can be feel slightly like taking on a bit much. a message Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset Processed with VSCOcam with c2 preset
( About the nutty array of notecards above, these were what I was using to more fully map out the book i’m working on, till my bf finally got tired of me dropping my cards everywhere and got me Scrivener which is an insanely fantastic piece of software that makes tackling the broader strokes of an all encompassing idea that much easier. Also, it means i’m not running around the apartment looking for lost pieces of paper anymore. )

Processed with VSCOcam with k2 presetDespite it all though, it’s nice to get the thoughts out. To visualize in real life the images, plots and imaginings that really only had a hold in my mind before. Also, leaves are really relaxing to sketch, just saying.

Ah life. (Aka, what happens when you throw your hands up in the air and let be)

Ah life. (Aka, what happens when you throw your hands up in the air and let be)

Well, attempts to control events in my life and plan things like my future better have gone by the wayside. But, since currently nothing is on fire, I’ve got money in my pocket and my cars wheels are still rolling, I think I can breathe and just let stuff be.

Amid the craziness of looking for a better day job, planning my 10 day east coast trip with Kat the Magnificent (so far NYC and Boston are solid destinations, everything else is wonderfully up in the air, and a rental car has been reserved for added exploration!), trying to finish various art projects and also keep up with my friends and penpals, trying to find a ribbon of calm can be a frustrating endeavor. But you can find joy in the clutter and madness, and i’m finding I can ride the wave of energetic nuttiness that life brings to those who live on the edges of “normalcy” rather well, and honestly, i’m pretty happy here on the outer rings of a constellation of adventures.

~m

Inspiration for March on a Tactile Scale

These past couple of months, whenever I needed inspiration, something to get the tiny hamsters in my head running, I would usually turn to online sources. From Tumblr,  to Pinterest boards, browsing posts allover the blog-o-sphere and reading articles from many spectrums of publications, old and new alike. It’s wonderful, the huge world that is online, all the many thousands of people who are brilliant and creative and all just a click away.

But.

There’s something to be said for the inspiration that can come from more tactile sources, like magazines and books. Right now, whenever I look at books I feel unbearably guilty (probably because I keep buying awesome, amazing books and  then keep piling them all over my apartment and they’re probably all getting to know each other and preparing a mutiny) , and so, magazines it is. I needed to pick up a new journal for my newest artsy project (er, in short, making an art journal and documenting the process, with the end goal of a chunky fantastic journal and footage to splice together for a music/arts video) and while I was at the book store, I took a peek and dive through their magazine section, and these are some gems I found.

~ Yvi (http://www.yvimag.com)

~ Mark (http://www.frameweb.com/magazines/mark/mark-47)

~ Hi Fructose (http://www.hifructose.com/2013/12/17/hi-fructose-volume-30-preview/)

~ Flow (http://www.flowmagazine.com/ )

Some of these i’ve read before, some are new ones that caught my eye, and while i’m not sure if i’ll be buying all of them again, they will hopefully help grow the urge to push myself further into the areas i’m interested in but haven’t yet quite dived into. My confidence is a quiet and small thing, and while I wouldn’t wish it to be a rampaging elephant, I could at least aim for the calm certainty of a steady river.

Slipping my fingers over the glossy pages of Mark, I get the rush that comes from  the beauty of perviously unseen and innovative architecture, and I acknowledge that perhaps i’m too afraid of being noticed, of making ripples. This issues of Yvi focuses on the theme of Liberation, and I can’t help but think that on the heels of the last thought, it’s oddly fitting. The cover of Flow features the quote ” Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.”- Erich Fromme and that is yet another domino falling in the circle of things that point to the inexplicable fact surfacing that perhaps fear is good when it comes to creating, but i’ve been fostering it too much, to the disservice of other emotions. And Hi Fructose is. Well. A cornucopia of fantastical images that sear a desire in me to burst color onto pages and images onto film. 

The first page of any journal is insanely nerve-wracking and gets me all twitchy with the thought of making horrid mistakes, (same with sketchbooks) but… today i’m feeling that maybe I should put the usual fears into a cleverly constructed box and not take them out till a good deal later.

I wish to create, build, innovate, with all the cells in my body humming together in agreement, and all the worlds contained between the pages of those magazines make it feel just that much more possible.

~m

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The Sky Will Eat You Up- Northern Texas

I haven’t been posting much lately as my plans for world domination (and my day job) have been eating up bigger chunks of my time than normal. I spent the last day off I had surrounded by notecards, fabric and shredded pieces of paper, piecing together plot summaries, character studies and setting ideas for my novel, texting friends in the middle of the night to ask if ” love quadrangles are over-rated?”.  And while I have still yet to edit all the photos I took from my trip in January,  my body twitches and shakes for another adventure. Soon, maybe? I’m considering plans for a 2 weeks roadtrip up through Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, with the goal of Glacier National Park, but we’ll see.

For now though, Northern Texas is quite lovely and it’s tumultuous skies that threaten to break reality help keep my wanderlust contained.

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Bring Me that Horizon

While I was on my roadtrip last October, I kept a journal with me (along with my Mac) and I would scribble away anything that pinged in my heart whenever the desire struck. I ended up coming back with tons of scraps of words that didn’t quite fit together, so I figured I would lump them all together and call it a collection. 20140211-190001.jpg20140211-185952.jpg

I roared through the Alabama freeways today,while the sunset burnt the sky with a fury that could rival judgment day. A blaze in the sky and crashing waves inside me, twin forces that could propel me into an ecstasy unrivaled by any other passions momentary. I cupped the moments in my mouth and swallowed them whole, into myself, to be saved for those days that eat at the sides of my heart and leave me splintered. I can make myself whole with these memories as guides.

20140211-185915.jpg 20140211-185922.jpgI want to put a pin on every place that your heart has ever desperately longed for, the places that pulled a spark from the depths of your eyes, and I want them to fill all the empty pockets inside me, till i’m close to bursting and showering you with memories.

Lets go, lets go, lets go.

20140211-185930.jpg 20140211-190026.jpg20140211-190011.jpgOn the road I learned to measure how many miles I could make disappear beneath my tires on the least amount of sleep

( 3 hours for ever 400 miles it seems,was my limit)

I mastered the art of giving my heart away, piece by piece,to places I might never see again, and got ever so excellent at tearing chunks of myself out to leave on the foothills of mountains. I feel as if it would take me a year to retrieve every scattered part I left behind, and I haven’t a guarantee that I wouldn’t leave as much or more again.

But there is a yearning in my bones, at the base of my skull and in the tendrils of my lungs that is greater than the parts of me i’ve left behind, those lovely bookmarks, placeholders and pauses that lull me, awake or asleep, to the road again, to chase the morning into night and back again.

20140211-185945.jpg20140211-185945.jpgThe horizon was the color of an old bruise, slowly healing, when I passed the boundaries into Texas tonight, and I’d like to think this old state had missed me and my renegade ways enough to bleed beneath it’s cloudy skin. But, I know this place and it’s steadfast soul, and one more wildcard amid all the crazy eights won’t turn heads here.

My eyes still lingered on the flush of the sky though, and I felt a smile grow on my lips and a spot light up soft in my chest while I made my way home through the familiar dusty, bent highways.

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On and on we can roll down these prairie planes and god I love to run with you. We can close our eyes, bodies full of joyous aches, sweet laughter and know love will not falter or fade, become bitter or small. We are ever so tiny, but our love can engulf galaxies unknown. Let us explore them together.