I’ve Fallen Out Of Favor With The Muses- Frisco, Texas

Sun warmed skin and jeans

” They say Kings die like other men “

And so November is here and well started, and no one is more surprised than I at how this past month has run away with time like the spoon with the fork towards the moon. I’ve spent the last month relearning myself in the context of other people, integrating myself somewhat amicably at my new job, learning what it truly means to work in the corporate world for the first time in ever and watching the sun set in brilliant splendor against the tall windows of the business park that rises right outside the windows by my desk that are always kept open and un-shuttered.

I’m….content, I think the word is.

sun flares, photography texas

I’m constantly challenged every day with this new job, which is what sold me on taking it in the first place but I had thought perhaps when I was told “oh definitely, this job will challenge you” that maybe it was just what they said to convince me to sign on. (It’s always nice when you realize your supervisors didn’t lie to you no?) I work for the specialty pharmacy/pharmaceuticals branch under the umbrella of a much larger global health care solutions/manufacturing company and while that all sounds like something out of Resident Evil or just a slew of boring corporate jargon, I like what I do and I get paid well to do it and while this isn’t quite the same as living life artistically and wildly as I did just a little over a year ago… don’t write that part of me off just yet yeah? I’ve still got dreams of mountains pouring themselves down my cerebral cortex nonstop, playlists of music for the forgotten daughters of kings playing loudly on my morning commute and colors still overflow like a mess of spilled yarn wherever I go, even if now it’s just in my corporate appropriate wardrobe.

blue sun flares, texas photographysun flares on a lazy day

The muses might have fallen asleep in the backseat of my car for a good chunk of the past month but i’m feeling like they’ll be waking up soon enough.

Sleepy days, open windows

Music on Replay (links in the song titles): 

Mad Rush– Philip Glass
Coward- Hayden Calnin
Something About You– ODESZA remix Hayden James
Song For Jesse– Nick Cave & Warren Ellis
The Rocket Builder (Io Pan!)- Jóhann Jóhannsson
Railroad Track– Willy Moon
Mojo Fix– Martin Harley
Sergio Leone Suite: Ecstasy of Gold– Yo-Yo Ma (Ennio Morricone)
Experience– Ludovico Einaudi

Not drowning in my coffee cups yet,

A Line Of Love, Around My Neck

Love, the necklace
Hands, chest and shoulders
Love, the idea
A line around my neck, Love
The love, necklace

Love, the idea of it in all forms. From the start of time to the very end, it remains such a constant, this bond we create with others and enforce throughout all our lives with words, actions, thoughts and creations.

Both so flimsy and unbreakable in the same breath. To me, the love for a friend is as strong as passionate romantic love, and to other the love for family is strongest of all. Millions of ways and counting to express this inexpressible occurrence of emotions.

I’m a writer, in the sense that I express myself best through words and prose infused ramblings. And though I have read my favorites, Neruda and Yeats,and dunked myself in the lovely throes of their expressions of love found, I’ve always thought that- to me at least- the idea of love was best expressed in music. The kind of music that transcends and breaks through language barriers and tugs at the hearts of everyone regardless of origin. Prose is lovely and fantastic, and the most skilled wordsmiths can break my heart apart with just one good sentence, but music puts me back together and to me at least, it cannot be surpassed in the stirring of emotions.

Songs that infuse in me the idea of love, to the very tips of my fingers:

Fyfsta– Olafur Arnalds

The Heart Asks Pleasure First– Michael Nyman

Beethoven’s 5 Secrets– The Piano Guys

We Had Today– Rachel Portman

Charms– Abel Korzeniowski

The Ash In Our Clothes– Sleeping At Last

Your Hands Are Cold– Dario Marianelli, Jean-Yves Thibaudet

Messier 45– Stellardrone

The Light– The Album Leaf

Adagio For Strings-The City Of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra

Cloud Atlas Finale– Tom Tykwer

Your Hand In Mine-Explosions In The Sky


These Ships Sail- Do All the Things (and drink more Tea)

North Texas mess books, varied, in hands Sharpies, Pens, and more Pens The desk, and all the projects Mail on the clothes lines tracing elements The girl, and a WIP The mess and the mind

There’s some days that you just need to curl up near your desk, plunk a sketchbook in your lap and listen to every single song Snow Patrol has ever released while drinking tea like it’s a magic creativity potion. Somedays you know you’re going to get stuff done, you really are, all the note cards, pens and planners are lined up like soldiers on the front line of the war against procrastination but… your going to do it all in your pjs and no one can judge you for that.

I finally caved and got Lightroom + Photoshop installed on my mac and i’ve been learning how to use it all over the weekend….while also simultaneously wondering if pursuing the whole photography thing is really what I want, because dear gods this is getting time consuming and the whole “side hobby” thing is starting to get faded into meaninglessness. I don’t want to be a professional photographer, I think there’s already an overabundance of amazingly talented and outrageously brave people doing that for me to even make a small splash in that ocean… but, it’s something I love to do.  I enjoy combining it with everything else I do, I feel it’s been incredibly instrumental in helping build the story i’m working on (for what will hopefully be my first book), words spilling easier when I think about how to frame them in the context of a viewfinder. When I put pen to paper to flow lines into sketches, the ideas of how to place them comes from the ways I line up shots, and I find patience for exploring new ideas and styles in the memory of all the adventures i’ve had with my camera bouncing along with me.

Photography has encouraged me to explore more, to wake up earlier, to pursue more more more and my mind feels larger than it did a year ago when I first picked up a camera with real intention. My eyes see more beauty in the ordinary and everything glows more intently in my mind when I focus on the visual elements of a moment, an appreciation for aesthetics as well as the things that break aesthetics. While I might never be the kind of photographer that makes peoples jaw drop and eyes sparkle, I can appreciate the singular joy it’s brought to my life already. Even when i’m exhausted at 3 in the morning, and I would rather die than look at another photograph to edit because i’ve already gone through hundreds that feel utterly lacking,  and my heads thunking on my desk in a repeating patter to wake myself up… giving up doesn’t ever feel like an option. And I hope it never does.