So while I might have taken a break from my art journal posts ( at least on here, i’ve been reposting a couple of sets on tumblr that have turned out surprisingly popular) i’m wouldn’t be myself unless I was filling up pages in some way or another.
I’ve had this particular journal for over 2 years now, and let me just say, apparently it has been a messy couple of years. I spent the afternoon going through the pages and I can honestly say at times I just sat there, reading lyrics or lines of poetry, thinking, “wow, thats some seriously crazy overdramatic overtures of emotion right there.” Thing is, I either get clinically cold or failingly messy when i’m emotional and…. while I might not express much emotion in public or even in private, it almost certainly gets dripped and splashed all over these pages with hearty abandon.
Reaching the end of available space in this journal makes my heart clench a little, the idea of letting go of so much emotion and starting over again in a crisp, new notebook that doesn’t know the ups or downs of my emotions intimately, it even makes me panic a little. Truth is though, when push comes to shove, at the end of the day I fall towards logic more than most any emotion, so I know i’ll bend soon and go buy a new journal, start a new story.
For the meantime though, I still have at least a dozen pages to fill, and I think it’ll be nice to fill up some thoughts in there that will maybe not toss and turn all over the lines with so much emotional upheaval. Either way though, whether i’m gutting the pages with words or neatly printing lines of concise characters, it’s seen me through some tough and trying times, interesting waves and crashing journeys and I can only really try my best to look forward to what i’ll be filling up the next one with.
I spent the weekend doing compliance training for work (please please PLEASE do not ever mention kickbacks or the Dod-Frank act to me again, ever, dear gods ), watching random movies and researching recipes to use white wine with. Why white wine? I have no idea, just that there’s a semi-decent bottle of it in my kitchen that I bought to cook with BUT I have no recipes to use it with, and the added bonus of the fact that I don’t even like to drink wine unless pressured to at fancy restaurants. I also dyed my hair various shades of purple, but I think the white wine is the more interesting part of this all, honestly.
Songs on repeat this past week:
Two Birds- Regina Spektor
GDFR- Flo Rida
Rise- Hans Zimmer
Uma Thurman- Fall Out Boy
Pumpin Blood- NONONO
StarWaves- Anthony Gonzales
Younger (Kygo Remix)- Seinabo Sey
Full disclosure, these pages contain images from pages I took from Flow Magazine, a really fantastic magazine for anyone who loves papercrafts and the lifestyle therein. It’s unfortunate that I keep finding these lovely imported magazines to crave and lust after, because they’re almost always at least $20 a pop and while I’m not exactly hurting for money, dropping more than $60 on magazines feels utterly decadent in the worst way sometimes. Still, loveliness isn’t cheap is it?
I think i’ve mentioned this before, but did you know, i’m not actually a Texas native? I’ve lived here in Northern Texas for about 4 years now, which any true Texan will till you “ain’t nothing“, a sentiment i’ll agree with in a heartbeat. My roots lie in NYC, Brooklyn to be exact (though the Bronx was where I spent a good chunk of my screaming childhood years) and my real formative years were sown in NorCal. After all this time though, Texas isn’t something i’m going to be able to just shake off whenever I move on, “ ya’ll” being stuck true and deep into my lexicon. I don’t mind though, as much as the idea of living in Texas would have seemed absurd to me 10 years ago, the idea of one day saying goodbye to these wide open spaces fills me with a pang of quiet worry. But i’ll cross that bridge when I come to it yeah?
Music on repeat this week: Service Bell– Grizzly Bear In This Shirt– The Irrepressibles I’m Gonna Be(500 Miles)– Sleeping At Last (cover) Make You Feel– Alina Baraz & Galimatias Santa Fe– RENT Is there a Ghost– Band of Horses
I’ve had a subscription to Vogue (USA) for as long as I can remember, and the funny thing is, most people that know me in real life would probably be surprised by that. But there is so much artistry, passion and collective effort in each issue, not to mention in each and every spread, that I sometimes wonder why it’s not a given that I would bow my head and speed off into the glossy pages every month. I seek inspiration in many hued fabric colors, find calm in the way the light falls on a models face as she turns to the camera to be captured in a perfect shot, and I fall into the story telling power that keeps me turning page after page until only the back cover is left.
There’s plenty to say for and against the fashion world, and i’ve heard most all arguments worth making. Defending one side or the other isn’t my jam though, I’ll leave that to the more informed and passionate of defenders. I just like to sit in the early morning light, drink my coffee, and fall into the high gloss fantasy that sweeps everything away and sparks inspiration down my spine and through my fingertips.
The current mood in the air here in Northern Texas is one full of anticipation. The weather has finally started to get cooler, dropping from the triple digits into the reasonable 70’s most days. The feeling of wanting to escape, from the heat-the stress of school-impending 4th quarter craziness- whatever, has faded for now, replaced by a quiet contentment. I’ve taken to rolling around the hundreds of farm roads, short cuts and even literal dirt roads, exploring the small little-heard of towns around here now that I don’t have to worry about the car overheating, leaving me stuck some where only cows might find me.
Coffee, wanderlust, and sketching random little things has been my jam for the last 2 weeks, as well as just trying my best to keep positive and not let little clumps of stress get to me. I’ve finally figured out the direction I want my etsy shop to head into, and to the surprise of literally no one, its headed in the direction of mountains. So here I go, diving into topography maps, dipping into the tiny house movement some more, memorizing the shape of mountain ranges and spilling graphite all over my pages in the name of orogenesis.
September is halfway over, but I’m trying to think of it in the way of ” half full anyways” instead, besides which my eyes are shinning with the gleam of looking ahead instead of looking back and things seem capable of anything. The only real negative in sight is that I still have a backlog of photographs to go through stretching back to January and a yearning to get out and shoot more more more so someone needs to take my camera away from me for a little bit, and lock me in my studio for an uninterrupted day. Bring lots o’ coffee.