What Is to Give Light Must Endure Burning- Overspill of Inspiration, Texas

Perhaps its not always true, the title of this post. Maybe there are people out there who can shine shine shine without ever burning up, they just exude brilliance in their every waking moment and it’s effortless. But i’m neither effortless nor brilliant so, when I shine even just a glimmer, I burn like i’ve got a trail of gasoline tied to my feet.

Usually the trail burns slowly (or it’s a rather long one) and I can keep the glimmer up for a good bit before it’s all burned out and I need to go find matches to light up once more. And in general it wouldn’t be so terrible,this habit of burning up and out I have, if the expectation wasn’t there to continuously keep going, to illuminate always and forever.

But it is, and not just from myself (though heavens knows the pressures I put on myself to never make a mistake in literally anything I do is a bit of a doozy all on it’s own). Anyways, where am I going with this? Basically after the end of the last series of posts I did, I was meant to go on another roadtrip this past weekend, to Colorado this time. But my burning hot trail of energy finally curled in on itself and died and so the trip was put aside and instead I used the long weekend to get myself back together again. And so the reason for this is with regard to the new followers I gained while posting on those last adventures. I have upcoming travel plans, for sure’s, but there’s also a whole mess of art nonsense I post and sometimes the energy I fire it up with is more like embers at the end of a winters fire than a sun’s passion. So this is my cordial heads up.

Now, on those upcoming travels I mentioned….

End of June- road trip down to Marfa, TX to explore the weird lights, interesting art installations, wander around Big Bend Natl. Park and take a peek at the ghost town of Terlingua

October- weeklong trip to NYC (with a day trip planned in here somewhere to explore Boston a bit)  to just soak myself in all the museums that i’ve never really gotten a chance to explore all the other times i’ve visited, as well as satisfy my craving for actual Fall colors in nature.

More small travels will happen between those two, but for now they are the ones that consume my plans.

Songs on Repeat :

Time LapseLudovico Einaudi
First StepHans Zimmer
Ba BaSigur Rós
At The Ivy GateBrian Crain
Devils BackboneThe Civil Wars
Wendell WalkerAndy Shauf
Concrete WallZee Avi
NiobeCaribou

not drowning in my coffee cups yet,
~m

21 Mountains- Fevered Topography Dreams

21 Mountains, art by fablesandcoffee
21 Mountains, typography art
These 21 Mountains, Fablesandcoffee art

Lately I seem to be taking my artistic hermit ways even further than before.

Apart from the occasional text message here, emails answered to an old friend that recently reappeared and some online conversations, my interactions with humans (apart from my superhumanly understanding and patient boyfriend, someone canonize his soul please) has been severely limited on an as needed basis. I’m not an introvert in any sense of the word- haven’t been down that past since highschool- but lately i’ve felt like when I talk to people, i’m just cobbling together words that I hope sound right, instead of actually connecting with them. And that’s been depressing as all hell.

But, every cloud has a silver lining and whatnot so at the very least I can say this month’s umbrella of anti-socialness has resulted in a finished draft of my first attempt at a book, an actual written thing that i’m considering a personal triumph if only because I never thought I would actually finish it and now that I have it’s sort of like what-the-hell-wow-I-actually-did-this-ok-dokey, and at 112,000 words, it’s the most i’ve ever written on a single illuminated focus. So, hooray July anti-social tendencies?

I’ve also been experimenting with color more when it comes to typography mountains series, and let me tell you, not being very fluent in the wonders of sharpie art made this one a real pain to finish. There’s something so thrilling about working with just ink pens and sharpies though, this exhilarating heart in your throat feeling that makes your eyes burn with concentration and your skin sizzle with tension. It reminds me of breaking the speed limit at midnight on an empty stretch of highway by 30mph and that feeling of excellence in your bones that makes you know for sure that you’re not going to get pulled over because it’s just you out there.

Also, i’ve been listening to the album Blurryface by Twenty One Pilots on repeat for what feels like days now, so if anyone can recommend good music for me to dive into before my brain starts leaking out of my ears in waves of color, please do.

Not drowning in my coffee cups yet,
~m

Not Drowning In My Coffee Cups Yet- Providence, Texas

Purple Loft area with Books Green Slytherin Paint Knickknacks in the room My Books, in the Loft

So, it’s been a while since I posted anything on here.
And… I regret that,for a lot of reasons but mostly because… there’s been a lot going on, and without the motivation to post about it on here, I haven’t really felt like i’ve been as aware of my surroundings as I usually am. The way my hands itch for the feel of a shutter button pressing down when I catch a glimpse of something quick and beautiful or the way my thoughts rapidly compose words for how to best describe some non-sensical idea, it’s been severly lacking these past few weeks, without the motivation to put everything together into something that makes sense, like a post on here.

Of course, the blame also goes to being so utterly fucking exhausted from moving into the new house and unpacking everything, not to mention dealing with painting about 80% of it’s interior. Who thought buying a two story house was a good idea? This girl, thats who, because apparently I make the oddest life choices.

Anyways, for anyone who reads this still, and just for my own pleasure of mind, I’m well and alive, better than I was last month even, somehow. My sleeping schedule finally thunked itself into order, and 4am tumblr scrolling has become a distant memory, something I couldn’t be more grateful for, considering my insomnia is something i’ve been battling for almost a year now. I’m still picking up the pieces of all the friendships that I selfishly placed on the back burner since last November, but coming up the second half of this year, i’m not feeling my usual melancholy self and with a really odd southern-gothic music playing on repeat in my ears constantly, i’m getting….somewhere.

I don’t even know what i’m trying to say here honestly, but hey, at least I can say regularly scheduled posting is coming back and isn’t that something?  And with that will come more talks about this insanely gorgeously house me and the bf bought, posts about the short roadtrip we took to Arkansas that somehow took us through a good chunk of Missouri as well and how insanely cool that whole thing was, no matter how much it freakin rained, and the usual posts about Texas and it’s hidden spots.

Also, prepare for some Vulcan-inspired mountains, my art got really weird there for a bit…

Not drowning in my coffee yet,
~m

P.S yes, my office/artstudyroom walls ARE the colors of Slytherin house, represent yeah?

So I Quit My Job,Got a Keyboard, Switched German for Spanish and Became a Trekkie

Thats a hell of a title huh?
Where do I even begin….. well,lets start with, I quit my job.

I’ve never really talked about it in depth here, apart from mentioning that it required me to buy fancy trousers and gave me ample time to listen to lectures and podcasts while I worked. To boil it down to the essentials, it’s a pharmacy office job where I sit at my overly-huge desk, boot up about 10 different programs and spread them out on my two screens to review and type up prescriptions for dialysis patients on my ergonomically correct keyboard thats about 2 sizes larger than a regular keyboard and took my clumsy fingers weeks to get used to. It’s what i’d call a cushy job, with a nice paycheck and lovely hour lunches that I could easily get used to….if it wasn’t for the fact that my brain started shriveling the second I came out of training and had to get through a day by myself.

I’d never had an office job before and I thought…well, I thought it would be great honestly. Compared to the utterly stressful places i’d worked at before, running from one volatile situation to the next, juggling 4 different tasks while also having a phone stuck to my head with a pissed off patient on the other end of the line…I don’t know, it seemed ideal. And it was,it definitely was.
a little less fables, a little less coffee
work wardrobe, office style
mountains, fablesandcoffee

For a while, until it wasn’t.

Untill my insomnia started getting worse and worse and I was running on a collective 4 hours of sleep for days on end, till I realized that I had pretty much alienated all my friends and family and even my artistic pursuits had dried up like dead animal husks in the very harsh desert that my mind was turning into. Untill I realized that I was pretty much neck deep in depression and it was only going to get worse from here on. It took me a good 4 months to realize (and admit to myself) that this isn’t the kind of job I can do. Four months to realize that sitting at a desk all day with just my thoughts and podcasts for company wasn’t all that much better than what I had previously been doing. Sure, the moneys great, but if I can’t even use the art supplies the paychecks enabled me to buy, to read all the books, comics and magazines I could afford to splurge on, whats the point exactly? I’m oversimplifying the situation of course, I could probably draw up a chart and write a 10 page essay on all the factors leading me down into the pit of depression I found myself in but, hopefully, you can trust when  I say, it wasn’t the place for me.

So, I handed in my resignation letter last week, and next Friday will be my last day and I don’t have any real clue what my next job’s going to be, or even where exactly i’ll be looking. I have enough money that i’ll be alright for a good bit, and an incredibly amazing and supportive boyfriend who’s made sure I don’t feel like an utter failure (because of course I feel like that half the time) and… and well, I feel better now than i’ve felt in a long time, even if I have no idea what comes next. So that has to be good, right? Maybe it sounds nuts to quit your cushy job when you don’t have an idea of what comes next and no doubt thats probably somewhat true, but I can’t really make myself feel illogical for doing it either way. After all, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

messing with tins, fablesandcoffee inside the studio, sleepy coffee and fables the mess, affectionately fables and coffee crafts with altoids tins, fablesandcoffee music theory

Moving on to something completely different, with no good segue at all, the new keyboard! Ah jeez, what can I say, a person can’t have enough interests right? Seriously though, sometimes I walk into my studio/office room and I think ” fuck, my heads really a mess isn’t it?.” . The walls here are covered with postcards and snailmail from penpals, posters of Batman, coffee shop menus, fashion photos, maps of cities I haven’t been to yet… There’s a table full of art supplies in front of the window, pilled to overfill with sketchbooks, watercolors, colored pencils, ink pens, graphite pencil sets, sketches and color studies . To the right of that is a wall covered with architecture photographs, piles of magazines (art, lifestyle, architecture, designs and fashion), books and my oft neglected sewing machine. Above is a shelf full of graphic novels, art books and random nerdy nicknacks. Somewhere to the right is a big red Ikea unit that has a basket of my sewing projects, more fabric than I’ll even know what to do with, jars of buttons and ribbons galore. Underneath, more books,names like Dawkins and Sagan peeking out from underneath craft and fantasy books and just about every theres some kind of journal or notecard with stories or poems or lyrics scribbled on them.

And now, to complete the whole shebang, a keyboard.  This isn’t an entirely new whim mind you, I used to play one when I was in high school and  recently my hands desperately itched to touch one again, so for my birthday a couple of weeks ago the boyfriend went out and brought one home. And now i’m learning basic music theory, because of course I am. Anyways, after that it was pretty easy to say to myself “Yo, maybe you need to give up at least one of your other pursuits if you don’t want your brain to slowly start leaking out of your ears” So I’ve put aside my yearning to learn German (at least for this year) to focus instead on my rapidly declining Spanish skills. ¿Qué más puedo decir, verdad?

Man… I feel like this post is getting ridiculously long and overindulgent, so i’m just gonna say, when it comes to the last part of my title, after coming across some hilarious posts on tumblr and re-watching the new reboot movies, I decided to take a chance and start watching the original series on Netflix and oh gods. I have literally never enjoyed a series more than i’m enjoying this one. Sure, the effects can be cheesy and there’s moments where I find myself yelling at the screen for Kirk to make better command decisions (come on man!Are you the captain or what?!) that I left wonder what i’m doing with my life, but it’s very decidedly, totally my jam.

So yup. Thats where my heads at, where my life is at, and I have really nothing concrete to say about any of it. The one thing that I do know for sure is that i’m taking this next month to just get my shit together. Which will hopefully mean more posts having to do with art, photography, music and less about my mess of emotions and the continual science experiment that is my life, because really, theres only so much you can say about that. Also, i’m bringing back my art journal, since abandoning it when i’m almost done is just shy of insane, considering i’ve been working on it for over a year at this point. And, last but not at all least, I can hopefully begin to repair the friendships i’ve damaged these past 4 months. I might still be digging myself out of this expansive crater of depression but I can at least try and be a better person than i’ve been, no matter how enticing solitude can look from down here.

parachuting sloth

Life is not meant to be lived alone, and while it can certainly feel easier that way, in the long run i’d rather deal with the dramatics and heartbreak than the oppressing loneliness that comes when it’s 3am, you can’t sleep and there’s no one to call. I’d also very much like to be the person thats called at 3am, even if it’s only to have odd conversations about thought experiments, One Direction and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. So I don’t know, lets see what comes next.

~m

P.S  Incase anyone was wondering, yes, that is indeed a Winter Soldier case on my iPhone. Is anyone really that surprised? Also, the shirt picture above is from the podcast 99% Invisible , which is freakin brilliant and everyone should listen to it if they have the chance. Along with Criminal, Invisibilia, Star Talk, Kakos Industries, The One You Feed and of course, Welcome to Nightvale….er, to just mention a few.