Not Drowning In My Coffee Cups Yet- Providence, Texas

Purple Loft area with Books Green Slytherin Paint Knickknacks in the room My Books, in the Loft

So, it’s been a while since I posted anything on here.
And… I regret that,for a lot of reasons but mostly because… there’s been a lot going on, and without the motivation to post about it on here, I haven’t really felt like i’ve been as aware of my surroundings as I usually am. The way my hands itch for the feel of a shutter button pressing down when I catch a glimpse of something quick and beautiful or the way my thoughts rapidly compose words for how to best describe some non-sensical idea, it’s been severly lacking these past few weeks, without the motivation to put everything together into something that makes sense, like a post on here.

Of course, the blame also goes to being so utterly fucking exhausted from moving into the new house and unpacking everything, not to mention dealing with painting about 80% of it’s interior. Who thought buying a two story house was a good idea? This girl, thats who, because apparently I make the oddest life choices.

Anyways, for anyone who reads this still, and just for my own pleasure of mind, I’m well and alive, better than I was last month even, somehow. My sleeping schedule finally thunked itself into order, and 4am tumblr scrolling has become a distant memory, something I couldn’t be more grateful for, considering my insomnia is something i’ve been battling for almost a year now. I’m still picking up the pieces of all the friendships that I selfishly placed on the back burner since last November, but coming up the second half of this year, i’m not feeling my usual melancholy self and with a really odd southern-gothic music playing on repeat in my ears constantly, i’m getting….somewhere.

I don’t even know what i’m trying to say here honestly, but hey, at least I can say regularly scheduled posting is coming back and isn’t that something?  And with that will come more talks about this insanely gorgeously house me and the bf bought, posts about the short roadtrip we took to Arkansas that somehow took us through a good chunk of Missouri as well and how insanely cool that whole thing was, no matter how much it freakin rained, and the usual posts about Texas and it’s hidden spots.

Also, prepare for some Vulcan-inspired mountains, my art got really weird there for a bit…

Not drowning in my coffee yet,
~m

P.S yes, my office/artstudyroom walls ARE the colors of Slytherin house, represent yeah?

Tear It Down- A Flood of Words to The Head

Sleepy Coffee and Fables, the workspace
More Fables, Less Coffee
Fables and Coffee, give me those words
Words and more words, Sleepy Coffee and Fables
Processed with VSCOcam with f1 preset

So, there’s a story i’ve been writing for almost 2 years now.

I write stories,here and there. Little ones and big ones that I never finish but invent in my head till there’s almost no breathing room. This one, I started it the fall of 2013, before I even made this blog, creating a very loose first draft kind of thing, fleshing out some characters and plot lines and writing a couple of pages here and there. After a couple of months though, I put it aside for other things (photography, travel,art journaling, work) and it wasn’t until a couple of months into 2014 that I came back to it, jolted alive into it by a roadtrip I took down North California’s coast. Inspiration and motivation come in weird ways, at odd times, and I remember standing in the morning sunlight on a beach in Fort Bragg, watching the waves break and it just, it became clear that it was something I should go back to, dig in to.

Cue the montage of ideas rushing through the brain and many (many) cups of coffee while I scribbled like a maniac on dozens of notecards and compiled new plot points, new storylines, a whole new territory built on the wreckage of the last. It was a mess, tortuous at times even, but man, overall? It was crazy fun to exercise my brain like, give my imagination full reign to run free and construct, tear down, bring back up, to spill forth like unending waves.

And gods, I wish I could say since then i’ve been writing constantly, words filling up blank word doc.s like they were an easy gift, that i’m writing this post ’cause i’ve finally finished it and hooray for all.Truth is though, I put the story together, gathered up all my original characters and bundled them neatly into bunches, wrote out a complete chapter by chapter breakdown of the story, and then… I quit again. Or I should say, I didn’t quit so much as I just abandoned the project to run around in other areas of interest. Again. Sprechen sie deutsch? Tal vez mejor la musica en español? Anyways…

So, why am I writing this post? Hard to say really, except i’m finally halfway through the book, for reals this time, and while it’s been hard to put aside my other interests and hobbies in the name of banging this thing out, it’s also been pretty…neat, I guess you could say, to focus all my thoughts in one direction, like a laser beam made up of too much coffee and not enough showers. I’ve been isolated a good bit from friends and family for the last month, half out of not wanting to sit down and explain what exactly it is that i’m doing, what i’m writing, and the other half just because i’ve been too caught up in the bloodflood of words to do more than half wave at people from a distance while researching things like aconite and The Red Queen hypothesis. I doubt i’m sociable company right now anyways, a jittery M is not a very fun M.

But i’m gettin’ there, i’m gettin’ there.

Kinda, almost.

Not drowning in my coffee just yet,
~m

A Lonely Thing, A Secret- The Tin Stories

A Secret, Tin Stories The Tin Stories, sleepy coffee and fables A Lonely thing, A Secret fables and coffee sleepy coffee and fables Altoid Art, fables and coffee   sleepy coffee and fables art

Maybe, on a long enough time line, given eternity and whatever comes before and beyond, a secret is as inconsequential as the way light falls on a sidewalk.  

But in this timeframe, a humans lifespan of a timeline, they can be as monumental as a shovel breaking virgin ground and as devastating as a gunshot. An empire can be built over ages on their webbed foundations, while an institution could be torn down by one in just the flash of a camera. A love to span time, blindsided by a single sentence not uttered, or a friendship torn to shreds given just one single glimpse of something hidden. So… we learned how to hide them, stitch them up inside walls of doubt, and shelter them behind easy, practiced smiles. We buried them in the dirt out back or placed them out like trophies on the mantle, in plain sight but so very well hidden. Some worn against hot skin around their necks, others inked them into their flesh, like wards against the past they swore they would not meet again.

Because the thing about secrets, simple put and easily quantified, is that they can shape our lives and worlds if we let them. They are past and future, present and forever, only given how we choose to hide them. 

~m

Part of a series i’m working on, as a way to stretch out those creative writing tendrils a bit. This is the previous (and first) post in the series.

The Town Square Was Empty- Pilot Point, Texas, a Photo Essay

Exploring with Brian in Pilot Point,TX

Small town charm, Pilot Point Texas

Church sign and empty parking lot, Texas

Quaint, isn't it? Texas

Pilot Point, Labor Day

Oh darling.
I want to show you at your very best, I want to show you off and off and off.
Be the belle of the ball, suitors lined ten deep and drowning in your beauty.
But.
Age has not been so kind to you.
( Though kinder than most )

Pilot Point was unexpected. We got in the car after a heavy breakfast and a stop at a gas station for roadtrip snacks (ranch cornuts and Arizona iced tea for me, taquitos for him). Ray Roberts Lake was the goal, if you can have a “goal” when your only direction is d-r-i-v-e, baby, drive us out of here. We drove through the exploding boom of Little Elm, past the random tropical madness that is Savannah, past fields and more fields, crops of gold and seas of green. Cows meander here, calm and lazy. Horses roam free, donkeys mingle with all crowds, and every so often you’ll come across an alpaca farm with their curious eyes watching you speed on past down the highway. After a half hour of this repetition, music was blasting through the speakers, my phone in my hand shooting off texts to friends, photos to social medias, I wasn’t even paying attention to the changing landscape outside…

Pilot Point Bearcats!

hometown pride, clouds

Miss American Beauty

Oh americana, let me hold you close as we fall on by
break my heart with your past
and dust off these traditions you call so sacred
with the blood on their hands
( the blood on our hands )

And then hush.
The highway turned into a road, the road into bumpy dirt, then back to rumpled blacktop and the playlist on the radio went to a pause just as we came out into a flag lined square. My skin sizzled under the heat of the sun and I was almost afraid of disturbing the silence that seeped into every little crevice of this town, the utter desolation of this perfect little slice of America. But there was so much to see, so much to explore, it would have been against manifest destiny itself to stay in the car and not see what I could see.

Gods I love this Place, Texas

Bonnie And Clyde

A horse on this wall

The magnificence of these skies

You can find beauty anywhere
and here, in the land of god
in the land of men and beasts of burden
we all love to drag our feet in the dust
( drag me right through the middle of town, right down)

Sometimes I don’t feel like I belong here, in Texas. But wandering around the hot streets of Pilot Point that day, the clouds hanging above the buildings like cotton candy day dreams, camera clutched in my sweating hands, I think I found yet another thing to love and remember.

~m

Art Journal Monday- Have a Cup With Me, Just One

Art journalling in north texas Random art journal page Swirls details, art journal texas Swirls and coffee, art journal page You're such a dork, art journal page have a cup with me, artjournal page just one cup, art journal page coffee cups art journal pages north texas coffee cups drawing art journal page Art journals page, coffee cups illustrations Processed with VSCOcam with 4 preset Lips doodle page, art journal north texas art journal photography Lips and fabric, art journal photography a nostalgic air in north texas

Tell me stories, bring me cups of coffee, and let the lights fade into sunrise in the fury of the night sky.

Spent the weekend feeling particularly uninspired, which was utterly sucky considering I had the whole thing off. But last night inspiration finally struck after having spent waaaaay too much time on tumblr and messing around on Google maps to see what other random Texas town I could go exploring in next. (Caddo Mills, Nevada, Farmersville and Pilot Point have already been throughly wandered in ). Work might be killing my soul at a molasses pace most days this month, but at least i’ve got my weird mind to keep things lively.

My musical playlist has consisted lately of Lana Del Ray, One Direction, Marvin Gaye, Redbone and U2, and the usual chillwave song thrown into the mix to calm things down. You can mock my lack of refined pallet when it comes to the musical spectrum but let me tell you, mixing Black Sabbath in a playlist that also includes Meghan Trainor is living on the edge, friends. And you know, I think these pages probably reflect that interesting edge i’m skating on.

~m