Art Journal Monday- These Black Stars and Deadlands

Song lyrics- Far From Any Road, The Handsome Family

Song lyrics- Far From Any Road, The Handsome Family

I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately.

Well ok hold on- before this gets really morbid, let me begin anew by saying, i’ve been thinking about death in that all encompassing and almost annoying way you can get when its 3 in the morning and you can’t sleep and your thoughts begin to go down the path of “i wonder where do we go after it all ends” and then you migrate on over to “is anything eternal, does anything truly linger?”  I wouldn’t presume to think i’m the only one who gets like that when sleep won’t come, thought I imagine that it’s less common with people who get enough rest.

black suns and stars

Here in Texas, the land seems to go on forever sometimes, long stretches of road that fades into the horizon like you’re out at sea and the shore is just a faded memory. I’ve been out there in the dead of night with no cars in sight for hours on end, driving driving driving and it’s at times like that when the idea of eternity seems the most real to me, as odd as that sounds. There’s just something about being behind the wheel of a car, the wide open road yawning forever in front and just pocketed shadows of land surrounding me, containing the possibility of anything. It takes you about 7 hours to just get out of the state, at least from where i’m situated, and trust me, believing in eternity- in the idea of forever – it comes so easy when passing under the shadows of the monumentally enormous grain silos and almost terrifyingly gentle wind farms that span the nothing out there.

lyrics, art journal photography

So why death then, if eternity is what occupies my mind? ‘Cause death holds tightly gripped hands with eternity, you can’t get one without the other even if you tried and I think accepting the idea of eternity is about as easy (or as hard, depending on who you ask) as truly accepting the idea of death, that inevitable end. And when I look out across the small expanse that is my life, I want to know that I am satisfied with what i’ve done, and still utterly hungry for more. And accepting both eternity and death, it helps me with that.

And honestly, most days? I’ll take all the help I can get, no matter where it might come from.

What do you think about, when it’s 3 am and you can’t get any sleep?

far from anyroad, art journal post

Songs on Repeat This Past Week- 

Legions (War)Zoë Keating
Nagada Sang DholShreya Goshal
Thrown AwayVast
Can IAlina Baraz, Galimatias
Prituri se PlaninataStellamara
CowardHayden Calnin

Not drowning in my coffee cups yet,
~ m

How We Operate- Musing On Private Personalities

 how we operate, swirls art

It’s strange, the ways one person can present a million different facets to the world at large. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, not at all. More so the ways we present ourselves to different people in our lives. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, this isn’t a radically new concept. Lately what I’ve been more concerned with, beyond the different ways we act with friends vs parents vs strangers, is the way we present ourselves at large vs the utterly private persona we only entrust to ourselves.

art swirls, how we operate

The thoughts we don’t even entertain while among friends but freely unravel in private. Questions you would never pose to your most trusted confidant that you could spend hours going over with yourself, as if in a private one on one interview.

How we operate, just for ourselves.

How We Operate, fables and coffee art

It’s a heady question, a cavernous drop towards things that lead to so many other questions to ask. Or maybe I spend way too much time in my own head and need to get out more. (Yeah, that’s probably pretty likely ). But still though, what would you say is the main difference- the divergent factor if you will- from the person you present to others and the person you are just for yourself?

~ m

The White Queen- Art Journal Tuesday 

I’ve spent this last week wondering what this year is going to be like. The past year, according to the common concensus that i’ve seen from all the time I spent on tumblr, just pretty much tried to kill everyone. And I can’t even argue with that, 2015 was rough- to the extreme. I don’t know anyone who didn’t come out of it without a few scars or mental breakdowns, myself included.

So, 2016, what will you bring?

art journal monday, the white queen

For me, last year was the time span where I changed jobs 3 times, finished my first novel, bought a house with the bf, lost touch with literally all of my friends, bought my first new car, developed an obsession with fancy trousers and silk scarves, and thats just the stuff I can remember.

2015 was the year for growing up it seems, and while I don’t think I particularly did a fantastic job with that, I think I did enough that I can spend this year doing the things I love.
Like traveling.

Gods I miss traveling. From that first whirl wind brush of an idea of where you’d like to go to the almost stressful part of planning it out to even just the packing part of it. I miss the little roadtrips I used to take to random towns all over North Texas, finding weird little places like the Futuro House or the odd hidden gothic trees in the water just outside Rowlett.

a lovely addiction, art journal monday

Winter weather is something fiercely ugly here in Texas though, and I can’t quite motivate myself to go out and find the beauty or even just the strangeness out there, at least not yet. I am however, planning a roadtrip for my birthday in March. Currently the plan is….New Mexico, most probably to Santa Fe. My first ever roadtrip was about 3 years ago or so, to Santa Fe and I think it would be cool to do it again when I have more time, a new car that can better handle the distance and more importantly, a bit more spare cash to have more ill advised adventures with.
(Well, I did say I hadn’t quite mastered that adult thing yet yeah?)

the white queen

Songs on repeat this past week:

I Know You Are But What Am I?– Mogwai
Dead Reckoning- Clint Mansell
Für Alina– Arvo Pärt
Mountains- Hans Zimmer
Hold Me Down- Halsey
Afraid- The Neighborhood

Not drowning in my coffee cups yet,
~m

The Shadows In The Mountains- Art Journal Monday

the words and the shadow of the mountain, art journal

Art Journal Monday is back, and nobody is more surprised about that than me, myself and I.

(Previous art journal posts: How Not To Chase the Storm, I Beheld Enchantment, Spirits In Your Head, Love, I Don’t Want A War My Friend,Tis’ All Fiction )

I’ve finally gotten around to confessing myself to friends that might or might not have been waiting for answers to my self imposed hermit-like ways of last year and there’s something to be said about unburdening yourself onto the table with all your guts on display like “yes hello there, here’s myself, judge as you’d like.”

words in my art journal

I’m getting back to art though, now that the guilt i’ve been carrying around for the past 10+ months has lessened. I mean, I still have huge bridges to repair with friends of course, telling people what exactly has been going on with you isn’t quite the same as taking tools to the cracks in the foundations of your friendships but i’m at least on that step now instead of the square zero of before.

And so, we start again.
In the Shadow of the Mountain

Songs on repeat this past week:

CoyitaGustavo Santaolalla
Voyage Of Bran- Brendan Perry
It’s PersonalThe Radio Dept.
Season of LoveShiny Toy Guns
Loud Pipes- Ratatat
Ba BaSigur Rós
GravitySteven Price
RunawayYeah Yeah Yeahs
Dust Bowl DanceMumford & Sons

Not drowning in my coffee cups yet,
~m