Man, I was not feeling the art this weekend. Don’t know why, inspiration was just not there, but I still wanted to push myself to get past it and here we are. It’s cool if you’re not feelin’ it because let me tell you, after doing these pages I just laid my head down on my desk for a good bit and thought about eating gelato. I tried to jump start my mind with music, but I kept going through weird moods and jumping from Beyoncé to “best of” lists on Spotify to study music mixes on 8-tracks. I finally settled on Daughter, which seems to be my default music soundscape….and i’m not actually sure what that says about me.
When I go into work and they ask me what I did over the weekend,my answer will be “Bought clothes and productivity apps while sporting my new Sloth Parachuting super extra large t-shirt. It’s huge but I love it, you know, so comfy…..er….how about you?” I think it’s obvious i’m the awkward co-worker who brings her own coffee so she doesn’t have to make smalltalk at the coffee bars.
Songs on repeat this past week
Born To Die- Lana Del Ray
Youth- The Crookes
Samson- Regina Spector
Ne me quitte pas- Jacques Brel
Lets end this year with a bang. Or in my case, lets end it in a small sugar-induced coma.
And we built here, and we lived here and time has not erased our legacy…
We stopped here, in this area bordering Creede, Colorado for just a little bit. The storm clouds were heading in from the east and while the sun had burned a shadow on my neck earlier, we knew the weather here was fickle and we had best start our journey back to our lodge before the skies came down on us.
The area was deserted for the most part, and my shoes kept dipping and getting stuck in the hard ground while the sound of the river echoed on the canyon walls. It was the kind of beauty that just chips away at everything till you’re just left in the moment and wide awake.
I’ve spent the past week trying to immerse myself in office life (who knew fancy trousers cost so much?How did I actually end up disliking hour lunches?Why are all the good looking people in the IT department?) and wrapping up the last of my holiday shopping so I don’t have to brave the shops the week RIGHT before and accidentally end up tripping over someone in my haste for that last box of perfect smelling tea.
The year itself is coming to an end, right around the corner. Soon enough we’ll start seeing those ” and in this New Year...” posts, all those lists of things to do and goals to accomplish and while I’m always the first to commend people on being motivated towards the things they want,i’ve started to realized that that time frame of Old Year—> New Year has faded dramatically for me. Last year this time, I was gearing up to head to California to spend time with my best friend Watson, and explore places familiar and strange. This year, i’ve got a new job, one that I wouldn’t have even considered applying to before, and no idea of my next adventure in sight. And I think… i’m ok with that.
I still think of myself as a human disaster, but as this year comes to a close, maybe i’ll see myself as closer to a balled up blanket on the bed than the epic triple car crash collision of before?
Music on repeat this week- Animals- Maroon 5 Tomorrow– Daughter Do you…(Cashmere Cat remix)– Miguel The Hanging Tree– James Newton Howard Border Crosser– Trails and Ways
There are many reason, varied and inconsequential, as to why I love mountains.
It could be the hot summer nights spent in Honduras, watching the stars twinkle over them while pop ballads played out a neighbors window, sweat cooling on my legs and my cousins promise to drag me out exploring in them one day soon jingling in my head. (I did go exploring in them eventually, and yelling across one side of a peak to another while the sun beat down hot on my neck, the only girl in a crowd of rowdy boys, it’s an experience not soon forgotten)
It could be my teenage years spent riding the BART train back and forth underneath the shadow of Mt. Diablo, from one near-life adventure in San Francisco to the next, it’s gentle curves pure poetry at sundown.
There is this idea of eternity in them, of endurance and strength. Architecture can crumble, mighty rivers run dry, but mountains stay forever, don’t they? Thats not true of course, everything erodes over time but in a single lifetime a mountain can feel like this side of forever-always.
I don’t run away to the mountains to escape, though I make a joke of that enough that you would think it’s true. Being in the shadow of a giant, seeing peaks appear on the horizon, watching the land fold itself into beauty in the swirls of mountain ranges, it’s the feeling of being electrifyingly alive and just this side of almost lost that calls to me.
I think i’ve mentioned this before, but did you know, i’m not actually a Texas native? I’ve lived here in Northern Texas for about 4 years now, which any true Texan will till you “ain’t nothing“, a sentiment i’ll agree with in a heartbeat. My roots lie in NYC, Brooklyn to be exact (though the Bronx was where I spent a good chunk of my screaming childhood years) and my real formative years were sown in NorCal. After all this time though, Texas isn’t something i’m going to be able to just shake off whenever I move on, “ ya’ll” being stuck true and deep into my lexicon. I don’t mind though, as much as the idea of living in Texas would have seemed absurd to me 10 years ago, the idea of one day saying goodbye to these wide open spaces fills me with a pang of quiet worry. But i’ll cross that bridge when I come to it yeah?
Music on repeat this week: Service Bell– Grizzly Bear In This Shirt– The Irrepressibles I’m Gonna Be(500 Miles)– Sleeping At Last (cover) Make You Feel– Alina Baraz & Galimatias Santa Fe– RENT Is there a Ghost– Band of Horses