Sometimes I get lost behind the camera, behind the pen, behind the noise of my sewing machine. I get caught up in the click-clacking of my keyboard and the words i’m spilling into river in front of me. There comes a time at 3am that I realize I need sleep more than I need to practice my poor pronunciations and conjugations in German. When i’m sitting on the floor instead of my desk, surrounded by notebooks, journals, buttons and ripped sketchbook pages and I think perhaps i’m building up tiny walls and fortresses between the person i’m trying to become and the person that others know.
After a fiery disaster meltdown of a friendship over the weekend, i’m coming to the realization that maybe I need to take a step back, yet again, and reevaluate the things that fill me with joy, and the things I pursue only because I feel they are worthy goals. July is always the month where I barricade myself behind projects and fade into oblivion when it comes to friends, but then August comes and i’m reminded that the world does not actually revolve around me and that perhaps I need to get my butt into gear and stop being so antisocial towards people who only prod with a mind to connecting. Remind myself that half the year has gone, yes and while there is still so much I would like to accomplish, friends and strangers who could be friends, these are things that matter ever so much as well.