Did I mentioned in any of my recent blog posts that centered around the lovely mess that is my life currently (ahem, always) that me and the boyfriend were thinking about buying a house? I get the feeling I didn’t….probably cause I didn’t want to jinx it up something terrible. BUT after 2 weeks of putting together a workable budget, applying for loans and going round looking at houses with our awesome realtor, we finally settled on one this past week. And then we put in our bid….and it was accepted. After we stopped freaking the fuck out about that, we strapped on our adult shoes (which I personally don’t ever wear unless absolutely necessary ) and moved on to the next step, which was scheduling an inspection and going through what felt like a billion legal documents to read and sign. And while the whole process is still going to take the better part of this month and the next, we’re already kinda going a bit nuts with ideas for furniture, what to do with all the extra space we’re going to have and also the possibility of adopting a dog from a shelter. On a less fun note though, we’re also looking through brochures for home warranties and weighing options for future home repairs/necessary improvements to maintain the value of the property.
Part of me is of course, unbelievably excited and ecstatic and… the other part is eating Doritos under my desk and mumbling about not being “adult-y” enough for this yet. Its the best financial decision for us (which i won’t get into because it’ll involve spreadsheets, PowerPoint presentations, and scribbled napkins that make little sense if you’re not me) but of course it’s utterly scary considering I just recently entered the realm of my mid-20’s. All I can say with any certainty right now is that i’ll try my hardest not to end up using this blog as my home improvements project dumping ground, as there’s many much MUCH more talented people out there blogging about that already and i’d rather just go stalk- er, browse their blogs for ideas instead. Though, if anyone out there has/is going through this process and has any tips or tricks to keeping the calm, do feel free to share.
Not yet drowning in my coffee cup,
The smell of gasoline and something else, something light but heady, it fills your lungs here. It would be easy to say it’s all abandoned and decrepit in this part of Sherman, that nothing lives here but crime and dust… but with the cars passing by, their taillights mixing with the goldenrod light of sunset on the pavement, the writing on the windows way up high telling me “Lets Fall “, I could write a million stories about this place and not once use the word “deserted“.
Maybe, on a long enough time line, given eternity and whatever comes before and beyond, a secret is as inconsequential as the way light falls on a sidewalk.
But in this timeframe, a humans lifespan of a timeline, they can be as monumental as a shovel breaking virgin ground and as devastating as a gunshot. An empire can be built over ages on their webbed foundations, while an institution could be torn down by one in just the flash of a camera. A love to span time, blindsided by a single sentence not uttered, or a friendship torn to shreds given just one single glimpse of something hidden. So… we learned how to hide them, stitch them up inside walls of doubt, and shelter them behind easy, practiced smiles. We buried them in the dirt out back or placed them out like trophies on the mantle, in plain sight but so very well hidden. Some worn against hot skin around their necks, others inked them into their flesh, like wards against the past they swore they would not meet again.
Because the thing about secrets, simple put and easily quantified, is that they can shape our lives and worlds if we let them. They are past and future, present and forever, only given how we choose to hide them.
Part of a series i’m working on, as a way to stretch out those creative writing tendrils a bit. This is the previous (and first) post in the series.
I got a new set of brushes and paints almost 2 months ago, but it wasn’t till this last week that I actually got my hands and wrist messy with their color.I can’t say i’m any good just yet, especially considering I mostly work in tones of black and grey and any kind of color work usually kicks my in the face but I’m working on it. I’ve also been listening to more music again as opposed to just mainlining podcasts for hours and hours on end.
Songs on Repeat this Week:
Billions and Billions– Stellardrone
Bad Intentions– Niykee Heaton
Me Voy A Quitar De En Medio– Vincente Fernandez
Out Tonight– RENT Soundtrack
San Francisco– The Mowglis
The Light– The Album Leaf
Rise– Hans Zimmer